a Post by Melanie Tonia Evans:
Has anyone told you that it’s most likely going to take you many years to recover from an abusive relationship?
Back in 2007 after finally ending the relationship with my narcissistic husband I was very close to giving up.
I was broke, weighed 38 kg and felt totally heartbroken. Devastatingly I was left with the realisation that I had little to no family or friends left, because he had turned them all against me.
But, somewhere deep inside me, I refused to believe that it was impossible to turn my life around.
With mounting debt due to the legal battles he was putting me through, as well as many aspects of my life and my nervous system in tatters, I wasn’t coping. Things were falling apart everywhere I looked.
I knew I had to find a way to soothe my mind that was racing out of control – wondering … how I was going to survive his attacks, who was he with now, why I couldn’t make the relationship work and even doubting myself; thinking … Am I the one causing all the problems?
My minute to minute panic attacks, that made even the simplest daily tasks so difficult, had to stop if I was ever going to start rebuilding my life again.
And … if I was ever going to live a fulfilling life, I had to learn how to restore the faith I once had in myself and human-kind … I just couldn’t see myself going on without being able to love and trust anyone after being deceived so cruelly for so many years.
Determined to find a way to heal, I spent months in deep reflection and research, and I had incredible breakthroughs and began to understand my part that led me into an abusive relationship. I understood that my relationship and co-dependent patterns had unconsciously – without me knowing – set me up as a perfect candidate for a narcissistic abuser.
And I realised that in order for me to make changes in my life (and stop myself from repeating the cycle with another narcissist) I had to stop focusing my attention on trying to change others, and I had to focus 100% on healing myself.
Elated with these discovered I began sharing them with the abuse recovery communities. The response I received shocked me!
I was SLAMMED!
“How dare you say I played any part in it?? Narcissists are evil creatures that made me the way I am!”
Sadly, I realised many members of these abuse forums were stuck in the victim mindset that I was once entrenched in – believing that everything bad that happened to them was only because they were good people hurt by terrible people.
Regardless of what I was being told, I continued to make drastic leaps in my recovery and it was at this point that I realised that something had to be done, because no-one was sharing the discoveries that I had made, and the discoveries didn’t stop … they were still coming in moment after moment.
I now knew that my abuse experience had a purpose because I emerged from almost ending my life to be able to have a positive impact in other people’s lives as well.
Yet, I could have never imagined what was to follow. At first I started seeing clients from home, but was soon inundated 7 days a week with waiting lists up to 3 months. If I was going to have an impact I needed to spread my reach, so I started sharing my discoveries online.
Soon thousands of people came to me looking for help, and that’s when the Thriver Community was born – Since 2009 I’ve been helping men and women from over 80 different countries not only survive, but learn how to thrive in their new abuse free lives.
And I’ve been (humbly) recommended by psychologists, health professionals, domestic violence workers and relationship experts from all over the world.
Please don’t let people tell you there is no hope for you, or that it will take years and years to recover from abuse … because there is a way to recover, and it’s much more simple, direct and effective than you may have ever imagined.
These are the same steps I shared to help thousands of people, (aged 18-80+) overcome abusive relationship with spouses, lovers, family members, co-workers, friends or any abusive individual, and build the life they truly deserve.
One where abuse is NOT their reality any more.