Why Are Toxic Relationships So Painful?

Did you know that the majority of people who suffer a toxic relationship never get over it?

In fact, they often face debilitating psychological and health effects for years and sometimes decades after the relationship has ended. 

There are some extremely rare individuals who just seem to be able to ‘get over it’ and move on after terrible abuse. But for most people this just isn’t possible. Generally, extreme emotional wounding and a decreased ability to function is the norm.

Those people who push the pain down, or compartmentalise it and just carry on, generally have it erupt at some later stage of life. 

Many individuals, after overcoming terrible things in their lives who are able to get up and get on with it again, are shocked to discover just how impactful toxic relationship trauma is, and how it can bring them to a place where they couldn’t move forward anymore.

This doesn’t have to be intimate partner relationships. It could be with a family member, an authority figure, someone in your workplace, a toxic neighbour, a friend – literally anyone at all.

Regardless of what gender or religion or sexual orientation you are, your age, whether or not the person is still in your life, or even deceased, or whether the abuse happened today or 40 years ago – the trauma may still remain and be living on like a terrible, emotional virus within you.

Melanie Tonia Evans knows all about this phenomenon, she herself experienced two life and near-death narcissistic abuse relationships that left her with medical conditions that she was told were impossible to heal. This led her to create a healing method that has helped tens of thousands of people from over 120 different countries.

Today, Melanie is the #1 narcissistic abuse recovery expert in the world and she knows after 10+ years of helping people heal, just why toxic relationships are so hard to get over. 

Simply put, we weren’t shown how to heal from painful relationship traumas and programs within our Inner Beings. We were told we could solve our issues with our minds – by reading, researching and talking about them. But, despite our best efforts, years of therapy do not lead to resolution; instead we need to reprogram our subconscious painful programs to create ourselves as a New Healed Self.

In order to support you on your healing journey, Melanie and her team at MTE are happy and excited to announce that they have put together a brand new live on-line Global Masterclass to be held on Thursday November 19th, 2020. 

This Masterclass is a FREE live event, which will guide you on how to rebuild your life and Thrive after suffering abuse from a spouse, partner, family member, friend, boss or colleague. It also shows you the #1 method to achieving this in the simplest and most powerful way possible.

This event not only aims to help you break free and heal from any abusive situation, but also teaches you how to create a new and empowered life that is no longer affected by toxic people.

Click here to find out all the information and secure your FREE ticket to this abuse recovery event.

After signing up for your free ticket you will get immediate access to the following:

A BRAND NEW comprehensive eBook called Detach From a Narcissist and Get Your Soul Back – Effective strategies for No and Modified Contact, Parallel Parenting & Psychic Retrieval.

An email series, which is going to illuminate many of the difficult yet imperative topics about abuse recovery.

And finally, access to an incredibly powerful two and a half hour live Masterclass with Melanie and her team. Where she will cover, in great detail, the #1 method that will allow you to finally break free as fearless, empowered and narcissist-free.

At the end of the Masterclass there will also be a Question & Answer period (which she loves doing) where you can ask her questions directly and get specific guidance.

Click here to register for your spot, and do so now because seats will surely fill up.

See you on November 19th!

What is narcissistic abuse? And how can you heal?

Facts about narcissism:

Narcissistic abuse can create so much loss, pain and destruction in every part of your world – your health, your wealth, your sanity, your family, your career … everything.

International narcissistic abuse recovery expert, Melanie Tonia Evans, estimates that up to 16% of society is severely narcissistic. This is almost 1 in every 6 people. Melanie believes this is a much more accurate assessment than the mere 1% that is sometimes cited.

Most people going through narcissistic abuse don’t even recognize that’s what’s happening and initially can’t even imagine just how prevalent this issue is.

If you’ve experienced abuse from a narcissist in your life it’s likely that you may have dealt with the following:

👉  This person is never remorseful and is always blaming you for any issues in their life.

🙏  You always feel like you have to please this person, which feels like walking on eggshells and is incredibly draining.

💕  This person can be charming and loving one moment and treat you with disdain and contempt the next.

😲  They are often critical, verbally abusive and even cruel.

👉  You have caught them in lies and possibly cheating.

😳  If you have dared to question or confront them you have been smeared and discredited.

👉  You have been on the receiving end of atrocious behaviour that has been damaging to you and your resources.

On September 26th and 27th Melanie Tonia Evans is hosting the You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse event, which is a LIVE on-line Premiere Global Healing workshop for anyone suffering abuse from a spouse, partner, family member, friend, boss, colleague or other individuals.

Over 6 hours Melanie shows you how to shed your powerlessness, hopelessness and helplessness – quickly with cutting-edge information, tailored specifically for your situation.

And … completely dissolve away all trauma symptoms of agoraphobia, PTSD, fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, financial ruin and an inability to trust in record time.

This event includes power Group Quanta Freedom Healings, so you will get to experience the magic of these healings for yourself. 

Here’s what participants of the pilot LIVE on-line You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse event had to say –

“Friday’s workshop was fantastic. It was my first time to be on a live event with Melanie, and I can only say that she really knows her subject.”  – Gilles

“A huge thank you for yesterday …….you are like a wave of Angels 👼” – Colleen

“Thank you Thank you Thank you. What an amazing day it was. I felt truly privileged and excited to be part of your day and healing. The energy was buzzing, and powerful. I am full of gratitude to you today and your team.”  – Becca

Click here to secure your ticket – only $39 USD (includes a recording of the event) – to this breakthrough abuse recovery event.

Melanie has some exciting bonuses for you as well! After purchasing your ticket you will get immediate access to the following:

The “50 Traits of a Narcissist Checklist” so you can find out whether or not you are dealing with a narcissist.

Plus an exclusive 35-minute video training called “The 6 Mistakes That People Make When Recovering From Abuse” which provides an excellent starting point to your healing journey.

Click here to reserve your ticket and to receive all the special bonuses.

Your new abuse-free life awaits!

How Narcissists Draw You In By Identifying Your Gaps

Narcissists are very manipulative and they know how to draw you in and empty you out, sending you all the way to your demise.

People believe that narcissists can target anyone. So if you believe this, I really hope today will help you understand that they can’t.

Mind you, if you have been drawn in this is NOT about blaming and shaming you. I was too! What today’s Thriver TV is about is you identifying your ‘gaps’ and closing them firmly up, so that never again can a narcissist identify you as a target, hone in and ensnare you.

How does that sound?

I promise you this – when you become inoculated against narcissists, you’re free to be yourself, powerfully and radiantly in the world. No more hiding, shrinking and being scared.

What could be better?

Do stay with me on this today, because I’m going to take you through powerful, real-life examples to explain to you HOW to achieve this.

Okay, before I get started, if you haven’t yet subscribed to my channel please do. And if you like this video, make sure you hit the like button.


Closing Your Gaps While Dating

Understandably, people are terrified to date again after being smashed by a narcissist.

So many people ask, ‘What if I get sucked in again?’

I really want you to know that dating, when you have these fears, is dangerous. This is because fear is a powerful magnet that draws to us exactly the experiences we fear. Fear does NOT keep us safe. The reason why is because our most important human soul lesson is to know that people outside of you are NOT responsible for your experience – you are. If you fear them, instead of being solidly you, then life will show you HOW you are not being solidly you.

If your beliefs are that sharing a meal and a glass of wine with a narcissist means they can trick you, draw you in and start destroying your life, then you will continue to get what you believe. If you believe ‘This previously happened to me because I had gaps that I was unconscious about, however, if I shore them up this will never happen to me again’, then you don’t need to ever worry who you are sharing dinner with.

In fact, you will welcome the experience of seeing how DIFFERENT you are as your own powerful protector and healthy Source! How else will you have the confidence to know your life is firmly in your own hands and isn’t susceptible to others?

I know in my previous life I used to hand my weaknesses and victimhood (gaps) to narcissists on a plate. It was my ‘normal’ and I had no idea I was doing it.

One of the greatest mistakes that makes us as easy prey for a narcissist as an injured gazelle is for a lion is this: telling them about all ways that previous partners have hurt us. This is because it means all a narcissist needs to do is tell us how much they are NOT that person. Then we think we have hit the jackpot with this person, whereas the narcissist is actually skilled in telling us what we want to hear.

If we do instant relationships and don’t take the time to ascertain someone’s values and character, we are playing Russian roulette with our soul and life.

Look at what happens when we discover that we are hooked to someone who is not a nice person, who doesn’t have our best interests at heart, and who doesn’t even have the resources to be healthy – we lie to ourselves that we are ‘in love’.

Real love has certain criteria to even be possible, and without these requirements love is obsession, addiction and toxic rather than genuine.

Likewise, if we try to be everything that we think someone else needs and wants in order to be loved and accepted, then we are not being real and are hugely susceptible to being matched up to a False Self – a narcissist.

Yet, if we are firmly in our body, anchored in our values, self-love and self-acceptance and take our time to see if people match our values and truths, we no longer accept and try to change people who aren’t compatible into people who will make us happy.

Rather, we will be content to wait until the right match comes along.

Let’s imagine a few different scenarios:

Craig is on a date with Amber. She looks and smells great and Craig finds her to be stunning. They start a sexual relationship very quickly. Amber is a narcissist and starts abusing Craig and draining his resources. Only a few weeks into the relationship already Craig is hooked because of the great sex and he doesn’t believe he can meet anyone as attractive as Amber.


Then there is Scott, who is on a date with Joy. She wants to move things along very quickly. Scott knows that sensible women, who honour themselves, take time to ascertain men. Anyway, he’s not interested in sex without feeling and connection. He refuses to sleep with Joy, wanting to take his time to get to know her. Joy, after a couple more dates when Scott will not capitulate, sends him a text accusing him of being gay and telling him he has lost the best dating opportunity he’ll ever have.

Of course, Joy was a narcissist needing to secure narcissistic supply very quickly. Scott dodged a bullet.


And then there is Georgia on a date with Darren, answering his intense questions about her life and her past. She replies with how disappointed she has been with men not making her a priority, and how this hurts her. Darren looks her in the eyes, leans over and says, ‘Any man would be honoured to have you in their life. These men were stupid; they had no idea what they had.’ Georgia’s heart fills with love and joy – just as if she was a parched woman in a desert finding an oasis and taking a deep drink.

At first the honeymoon period was amazing, but it turns into horrific rejection, abandonment, disdain and abuse. Darren was a narcissist who had quickly and expertly hooked Georgia in by pretending to be the saviour of her wounds. Naturally, he was the messenger of them, because these were her gaps, her unhealed inner parts that he could abuse her with, while she clung on, desperately addicted to him and trying to make someone love her better THIS time.


Finally, there is Anna who is on a date with Peter. Peter asks Anna about her previous relationships and Anna explains to him how blessed and grateful she was for her journey, because of the work on herself and how it helped her love and accept herself and be free of her wounds.

Peter visibly seems confused. He says to Anna, ‘I’m the same. I have learned so much from my relationships. I love personal development and growth as well.’

‘Oh’, says Anna, ‘What exactly did you learn and from what experience? I’m all ears!’ Peter’s conversation with Anna showed he had no grasp of either personal development or taking responsibility for his own development or growth.

At the end of the night, when Peter asks Anna if she wants to catch up again, Anna answers, ‘I think not. Good luck with dating and thanks for an interesting evening.’ To which Peter replies, ‘You’re right, there isn’t enough attraction for me to see you again anyway.’

Anna was nearly crying with laughter when she got into her car. This was such a powerful graduation where she was punching the air with joy. ‘I just flushed out a narc EASILY. Yay!’

High five to her!


Closing Your Gaps In Family Relationships

Let’s have a look at how this translates in situations with people we already know, such as family relationships or friendships.

John is a married man, a grown adult with his own family, yet his father Gary controls him. Gary is always asking John to drop everything for him, and rather than show gratitude and appreciation, Gary constantly criticises and abuses him.

John is hooked, and even when his wife threatened to leave him because of money, energy and time drained on his father, he couldn’t stop jumping to attention every time Gary summoned him.

John’s unhealed wounds were responsible for these unconscious pulls; his entire life he had been trying to earn his father’s love and respect, but nothing he could do was ever good enough.


Gayle used to hand her power and time to her narcissistic sister Colleen. Colleen was a single mother and used Gayle for money and babysitting, and whenever Collen got a man in her life, she would use him instead, and dump Gayle like a hot potato.

Gayle was previously heartbroken, confused and wrung out, and she lived in hope that one day she would have the healthy loving relationship with her sister that she had always dreamed of.

Finally, Gayle did the work on her inner traumas regarding her relationship with her sister and released the hooks and pulls of responsibility and guilt that she’d suffered. Gayle stopped handing money over and, after the last discard from her sister, was very clear – without an apology, and respect, the relationship was over.

The relief Gayle felt by claiming her life, power and soul back was immense. When her sister tried to smear her, Gayle let go of that trauma. She had no need to try to prove anything, and just kept her eyes on her side of the road, continuing to heal and generate her own healthy life, letting go of anyone and everything that didn’t represent this.

Now, let’s look at the business side of things.


Closing Your Gaps In Business

Andrew is brilliant yet shy. He had incredible ideas, development processes and loads of money, yet he didn’t have the confidence to be a public front man. Andrew met George, a charismatic salesman, through joint friends.

Over a few drinks, Andrew shared his dreams with George. George’s ears pricked up. He looked Andrew intently in the eyes and assured him he could help him with contacts and connections.

Andrew felt the relief of ‘Finally someone with the confidence and persona to help me’ and he and George joined forces. Twelve months later, after George disappeared with half a million of Andrew’s money, Andrew realised he had been conned by a sociopath.

Andrew didn’t take the personal responsibility to stop blaming George, and realise sensible adults do due diligence, check out people’s credentials thoroughly and draw up contracts and retain control and security along the way.

His lack of belief in himself had caused him to willingly, and far too quickly, hand complete power to George – which is what everyone, without exception, does to narcissists that abuse them.


Alice was a client of Jeanette’s when Jeanette shared her dream to open her own shop in a prestigious area. Alice told her she had the same vision and they should consider a partnership. After investigating Alice’s proposal, which Jeanette requested, Jeanette realised that she, herself, would be taking on all the risk and financing, and that Alice’s references weren’t credible.

After calling Alice out with the discovered truth, Jeanette never saw her again as a client and felt no loss at all.


The Absolute Formula To Not Get Taken In By A Narcissist

Now, let me condense these different scenarios and make it really clear cut for you.

1) Don’t express your weaknesses to people you don’t know.

2) Stop holding other people responsible for your life – such as believing you need to find someone else to fix, save or complete your life.

3) Don’t fall in quickly with people. Narcissists need a payoff of narcissistic supply rapidly for their expended energy. They will not hang around for your due diligence.

4) Know your values and retain your boundaries. Other people don’t need to get it – you need to get it.

5) Release your hooks and gaps within so that there is no more neediness, recklessness and emptiness driving your choices.

6) Be excited about every experience and opportunity which presents and strive to be your best self without any fear or concern about how other people are being.

It’s so important to understand that we all have patterns of behaviour and emotional hooks – unresolved wounds – in our life that have caused us to hand our power away.

As shown in these examples that I have shared with you today, Craig, Georgia, John and Andrew, as a result of remaining unconscious, are stuck in historic patterns indefinitely with no sign of relief, growth and change. Narcissistic abuse is an ongoing soul lesson for them – until they wake up.

Whereas, as a result of taking firm responsibility to be the generator of their own lives, Scott, Anna, Gayle and Jeanette are living on trajectories where their Life delivers them the same genuine support and authenticity with people and situations that they are showing themselves.

So, is this clear now?

Has the penny dropped?

Do you know the powerful way home out of narcissistic abuse now?

If this is not 100 per cent clear in your body, which is where it needs to be, then come with me while I help you heal your gaps and traumas that have made you susceptible. And, I promise you, together we will find them and release them, turning you into a boundary beast – firmly in your power, saying ‘narcissist who?’ because they will cease to have any power over you at all!

This journey starts by clicking this link.

Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change

Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change

Proof the narcissist abuses you intentionally and will never change

— Read on narcwise.com/2018/03/02/proof-the-narcissist-abuses-you-intentionally-and-will-never-change/

Are you dealing with a Narcissist?

Take the Quiz!

Is there someone in your life that you wish you could leave for good, but for some reason you never follow through?

Has your health, happiness and wellbeing suffered as a result of being involved with this person?

Does your significant other treat you nicely when they want something, and then treat you with cruelty and disdain afterwards?

Do you feel like your going crazy because someone turns everything they do wrong around on you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be dealing with a narcissist. Take the quiz to find out if this is you.

About Narcissistic Abuse

Today in the world and in the news we hear the word narcissism quite often, but if you were to ask the general public what makes someone a narcissist would they be able to tell you?

Would they say it is someone who is full of themselves? Would they say it is someone who is arrogant and conceited and thinks they are better than everyone else?

This announcement is incredibly important. As you read on you will understand why.

The truth is, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is much more sinister then that…

It is to do with raising world awareness of what Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is. The world, including media, health organisations, legal systems and psychologists and counsellors, as well as the general community have an incredibly limited understanding.

This allows narcissists to operate in homes and corporations undetected, causing incredible damage to individuals, families, children, future generations and society as a whole.

It is time that the REAL information was exposed and brought out into the open.

Narcissists exist all over the world, in every social bracket, and personally destroy the lives of those around them.

In relation to intimate relationships, narcissists sweep into people’s lives full of charm and promise and leave them reeling in devastation.

Narcissists are able to lie to you without batting an eyelid – feigning their sincerity, values and monogamy, and can tell you that you are the person they have been waiting for all of their life.

The narcissist will become your ‘dream partner’ – and they will declare that their love and attention is all about you – but nothing could be further from the truth.

You believe you have met ‘the one’ – your true soul mate. In time, this person who has professed their undying love to you becomes your worst enemy – punishing you, hurting you, attacking you with any means possible and trying to turn your family, children and friends against you.

You will be shattered at how purposefully the narcissist starts destroying your life, reputation, taking your money, energy and emotional wellbeing whilst proclaiming to all and sundry that you are the disordered one.

Narcissists not only damage intimate partners, they also inflict incredible terror, pain and psychological damage on children, and create dysfunctional future generations. They continue to breed cycles of abusers and the abused. Narcissists are an incredible blight on society as a whole.

Despite writing as many articles on narcissism as I have, I still receive dozens of emails each week asking – “Is this person in my life really a narcissist, or just someone who (fill in the gap)?”…

I know this confusion occurs for two main reasons:

1) Until you have encountered a narcissistic person you have no idea what the ‘crazy making’ is. Most people think they are losing their mind, because what the narcissist does doesn’t fit into any acceptable human model, and until you have experienced and understood it there is no point of reference.

2) The perverse chemical addiction to a narcissist means you are mentally, emotionally and physiologically ‘hooked’. As a result your mind tries to find all sorts of reasons and excuses to exonerate the narcissist.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) explains the symptoms of NPD as the following:

  • Expects to be recognized as superior and special, without superior accomplishments
  • Expects constant attention, admiration and positive reinforcement from others
  • Envies others and believes others envy him/her
  • Is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of great success, enormous attractiveness, power, intelligence
  • Lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings or desires of others
  • Is arrogant in attitudes and behaviour
  • Has expectations of special treatment that are unrealistic

There is also a belief (Wikipedia also states this) that NPD affects approximately 1% of the community.

When we can understand narcissism intimately, which involves the inability to be vulnerable (admit defects) or take personal responsibility for their flaws, we can realise just how few narcissists would ever seek an NPD diagnosis or allow themselves to be exposed enough to be diagnosed.

Narcissists are the ultimate False Selves – they wear masks whenever possible, and especially to avoid scrutiny.

Therefore I believe this ‘percentage’ is quite frankly ludicrous.

This is my belief about the DSM-5 list. It explains only some of the traits of the narcissist and certainly does not explain the ‘mask’ the narcissist wears to lure you in, extract narcissistic supply from you and hide his or her true damaged, shameful and disordered self.

This list also certainly does not even come close to the accurate description of the outrageous, malicious and pathological behavior narcissists commonly act out.

There are also irregularities in the existing DSM-5 list. Point one as an example is not accurate. There are narcissists who secure accomplishments. Narcissists brag and demand recognition regardless of whether their achievements are real or not.

Many people reading the DSM-5 explanation may think “Yes, some of these apply, but this person can be so loving and wonderful. So then how can he or she be a narcissist?

The narcissist in between narcissistic bouts (when his or her severely damaged true self appears), is a consummate chameleon and can appear as the most loving, accepting, supportive person you can imagine.

This is how narcissists get narcissistic supply (their all-consuming need for outside attention in order to emotionally survive). They have to pretend they are someone they are not.

As a result of years of assisting thousands of people recover from narcissistic abuse (and knowing their stories intimately), as well as my own recovery from two narcissistic relationships (a classic and then an altruistic narcissist), I would like to share with you my definitions of a narcissist.

Before I do, it is important to realise that there are people who can be self-absorbed, and even selfish who do not have NPD. These people may even have superiority complexes, exaggerate their accomplishments and credentials and fail to have sufficient empathy for others in need.

This could make a person painful to be around, and disappointing to have a relationship with, but it certainly does NOT define the horrendous destruction and tragedies which narcissists create for the non-narcissistic human community.


The Trademarks of a Narcissist

There are, in my opinion, absolute trademarks for an individual with NPD, trademarks which need to understood and circulated.

These behaviours cross the line from human to inhumane and in my opinion (because I have never heard or witnessed one reported case of ‘it working out ‘or ‘he / she got better’ with a person who displays some, many or all of these behaviours) means this person has NPD – and therefore is malicious and untreatable, and intensely dangerous and destructive to others.

It is very important to understand that upon meeting the narcissist and even the first weeks, or months with this person the following behaviour will not be evident – however commonly there will be ‘red flags. There will be events like exes making contact with you, stories that don’t feel ‘quite right’, or strange reactions, accusations, put downs, insecure comments, or signs of taking umbrage that leave you feeling ‘weird’ ‘wrong’ or even intensely unsafe.

Too many people have rationalised away these ‘signs’ and paid gravely for it later.

The following behaviours constitute an individual who will put you at severe risk emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially and often times sexually and physically – and if you hang on to a relationship with this person, you could be taken all the way to your demise as a result of the narcissistic cycles of idealise then devalue and discard.

When you see the list of these extremely common narcissistic behaviours you will understand why they are so destructive.

If you are being abused by a narcissist, I understand you may think that you are the only person who is experiencing this insanity and tormenting behaviour. However when you read the stories of countless others, you would realise just how common and stock standard these narcissistic behaviors are.

NPD Behaviour is:

  • Pathological lying. 
  • Taking umbrage at slights that healthy mature adults just don’t get upset about.
  • Being ‘loving’ and ‘adoring’ one moment and detesting, attacking, or threatening you with breakups the next. These ‘you are the love of my life / I’d be better off without you’ cycles are often sudden, unexpected and without warning. 
  • Uses the identified emotional wound of the victim against him, or her. For example if the victim has a fear of abandonment the narcissist will continually threaten and / or perform abandonment. If granting other women or men attention creates emotional pain, the narcissist will ‘flaunt’ that behaviour regularly. If being distrusted and accused of adultery creates a painful reaction, the narcissist will deliver accusations regularly. This is followed by the narcissist denying all responsibility and blaming the other person as ‘the cause of him or her leaving’, or labelling his or her victim as ‘jealous, insecure and paranoid’, or ‘flirting purposefully and deserving distrust’.
  • Nil ability to be vulnerable, real, honest or discuss problems rationally when feeling emotionally upset. 
  • Intense harbouring about what you did or didn’t do in the past which ‘insulted’ the narcissist. The harbouring continues to re-emerge no matter how many times you apologise or believe the issue was previously resolved.
  • Propensity to lash out and punish horrifically with minimal provocation – delivering behaviour that is a complete mismatch for the perceived injury the narcissist believed he or she received. 
  • Smear campaigns created against the person who the narcissist has damaged, containing fabricated and misleading evidence. 
  • Using abuse by proxy getting other people and organisations to attack the victim on the narcissist’s behalf, fuelled by smear campaigns.
  • Nil ability to be accountable for horrendous malicious, pathological or outrageous behaviour. 
  • Nil ability to be appropriately remorseful and fix the damage of the horrendous behaviour inflicted on the victim. 
  • Nil ability to have empathy for the victim or for people connected to the victim – such as the victim’s children or family.
  • Accuses others, especially intimate partner for all the things that the narcissist thinks, says and does. 
  • High level of entitlement to money, resources, recognition, sex and / or attention.
  • Excessive and outrageous spending habits coupled with loose and poor money management. Takes financial risks and gambles which create stress for the narcissist and his or her partner / family.
  • Prone to superficiality and materialism. A need to ‘show off’ and enough is never enough. 
  • Pathological and / or compulsive adultery without using sexual protection which puts possible multiple partners at risk 
  • The ability to pathologically lie and feign ‘love and commitment’ to ‘outside’ sexual partners to garnish narcissistic supply and / or punish current partner.
  • The ability to keep previous partners hooked and sexually active during devalue and discard cycles whilst sourcing and romancing new sources of narcissistic supply. (Narcissists will generally avoid being single at any cost). 
  • Previous partners are kept on the narcissist’s hook with open ended comments such as ‘Never say never’ so when discarded, the narcissist has the option to revisit if sources of narcissistic supply get low – or if he or she wants to act out revenge on the current partner. 
  • Performs smear campaign about and amongst multiple sexual partners, regarding why the narcissist despises, discredits or wants nothing to do with the ‘other’ sexual partners, so that they will not suspect or find out the truth. 
  • ‘Apologies’ ‘empathy’ ‘accountability’ or ‘make up’ behaviour (if any) is long overdue, and only generally after escalation of more horrendous pathological and / or adulterous behaviour, threats and smear campaigns (discovered and undiscovered). This ‘remorse’ is not consistent and contains fabricated ‘make-up’ promises which are generally undelivered. Restoration is temporary, and leads to repeat cycles of nil accountability, nil remorse, nil empathy and repeat horrendous behaviour. 
  • Intense anger, rage and projection (and often total discard) if confronted with the truth – that the narcissist’s issues come from unhealed childhood wounds which the narcissist is unwilling to face and deal with.


How the Narcissist Argues

One of the most sure-fire ways to know you are with a narcissist is identifying how a narcissist argues. To say a narcissist fights dirty, with no conscience and out of bounds twisted behaviour is an understatement.

If you feel like you are trying to have a conversation with an angry, insane, malicious five year old child, and this ‘conversation’ feels like you are losing your grip on reality because a good smattering of the tactics below are being used – you can be 100% sure it is with a narcissist.

Because it is ONLY people with narcissistic personality disorder who EVER communicate like this.

The list of the arsenal the narcissist holds and uses when arguing with you is this:

  • Avoidance: Refusing to recognise or acknowledge the incident as real or important to you.
  • Excuses: Making up stories or reasons for the behaviour that are not genuine or valid excuses.
  • Accusations: Blaming someone else for the wrongdoing.
  • False Apology: Saying a ‘sorry’ that is not a genuine apology, and expecting you to accept it.
  • Ignorance: Claiming you never said that, that was never discussed, or the narcissist never said that.
  • Confusion: Creating antics over trivial points in the conversation to shift and confuse the focus.
  • Projection: Stating ‘what you did wrong’ regarding the particular topic by using ammunition from the past that has nothing to do with the present incident.
  • Using Allies: Quoting people real or imagined to back their ‘story’ of excuses, or to discredit you.
  • Shutting down: Unwilling to have the conversation or abandoning the scene to avoid scrutiny.
  • Shifting Focus: Responding with displeasure to your body language or the tone of your voice to steer the conversation away from the wrongdoing.
  • Persecution: Stating how bad your accusations are, and what a terrible person you are to accuse them.
  • Denial: Stating that it was incidents in your past, and your fears and insecurities which causes you to make these accusations.
  • Discrediting: Stating that you are such a negative person and always look for the ‘conspiracy theory’ in your conversations.
  • Threatening: Citing abandonment or punishment if you continue with the accusation.
  • Entitlement: Demanding that you recognise the positive things they have done for you, and that it’s unfair for you to focus on the negatives.
  • Lying: Stating they did grant explanation, reassurance, or did do the credible thing when these actions were not forthcoming.
  • Condemnation: Continuing the story of “I did do the right thing” and then being incensed at you for calling them a liar.
  • Justification: Stating ‘I did it’ because of your behaviour and because you make me do these things.
  • Triggering: Using a maiming comment related or unrelated to incite you to anger and shift blame.
  • Competition: Stating all the things that they are not happy about with you, as a ‘tit for tat’ retaliation, rather than addressing the issue at hand.


Why Does a Narcissist Do What They Do?

It is important to understand why narcissists behave in such cruel, calculating and malicious ways. Narcissists are severely emotionally damaged people, who decided at a young age that the internal pain of ‘You are worthless, no good, defective and unlovable’ meant that the narcissist had to ‘kill off’ his or her true self, and create a False Self as a buffer in its place.

The False Self is a pathological façade constructed to gain praise, admiration, attention and be seen as omnipotent or special compared to others.

This pathological self has no resources to feel whole or at peace, and the narcissist needs ‘energy’ from the outside world constantly reflected back to him or her to know he or she exists.

The narcissist needs attention and significance (known as Narcissistic Supply) to avoid the pain, and to gain some relief, just like a heroin addict does. A narcissist will do whatever it takes without conscience or remorse to keep feeding the False Self.

People and things are reduced to mere objects in order to provide narcissistic supply, and are punished severely and cruelly when they don’t supply it adequately.

The tragic thing is that narcissists have also been victims of victims. It is only scared and hurt people who hurt others. We can have compassion for this fact, but must firmly realise narcissists do not heal, resolve and evolve past their atrocious behaviour. They refuse to admit defects, be vulnerable or apply self-humility, which are the essential ingredients for personal growth.

If you have never experienced a narcissist, you may shake your head in disbelief that there are people who behave like these lists above – let alone be able to believe there is a huge cluster of people on this planet who live their life exclusively like this and cannot operate with integrity. Any ‘integrity’ is only feigned by a narcissist.

If you have been abused by a narcissist you certainly know what it is like to be engulfed in such a twisted disturbing world.

I really hope this has cleared up your confusion, and not only helped you identify whether or not you are with a narcissist, but also how damaging, dangerous and soul-destroying it is to be with one – if you are.

All of what I written above is not just the story of what I have experienced at the hands of narcissists, these are the identical stories (often word for word) which have happened in more people’s lives than you could even begin to imagine.

If you are reading this article and you have just realised that you may be dealing with a narcissist in your life – I know exactly what you are going through. Please sign up to my free New Life Newsletter which will give you complete access to 2 free ebooks, many articles, radio shows and videos on how to recover from narcissistic abuse. All of the content is structured in a sequence to get you real relief, answers and a roadmap to get your life back on track as soon as possible.


Spread The Message

It is my mission to spread this information on a global scale so that men and woman do not have to go through the agony and soul destroying devastation of their emotions, livelihood, wellbeing and loved ones.

By empowering this generation with this vital knowledge, we have the ability to break away from narcissists, heal and empower ourselves, and then impart the teaching to our teenagers and children – how to love and honour self, as well as identify people who are authentic and stay clear of people who aren’t.

But In order to spread this message I need your help – so please share this article with your friends, colleagues, family or anyone that will read it. You can also share this link with other abuse and narcissistic recovery groups. A powerful way of exposing this message is also to write to and put this link in news article comments where you recognise that the story is about a narcissist. More and more of those stories are becoming commonplace now.

There are many ways we can now bring this insidious disease out into the open.

Also it is very important for you to not only share this article as widely as you can – but also, if you relate to the behaviours that I have written about, to post below so that people coming to this article realise that these people are NOT rare isolated incidents, and that they have affected so many people’s lives with this identical behaviour, and do so often, as well as tragically over and over again.

Just think… together we can potentially save someone’s life and changes the lives of others for future generations.

We all have the ability to get this message out, so that when people hear about the behaviours listed above, it can become common knowledge that it means the person in question has NPD.

Only then will victims be able to realise what is happening to them, get support, break away and heal.

Until then there are far too may people blind sighted and torn apart by this horrendous mental disease.

Thank you for getting behind this mission!

Click here to take the quiz to see if you are dealing with a Narcissist.

“Uh hoh. It’s happening again. How could this be happening again? Try to breath. Who cares about breathing? I don’t care about anything but him. Why is he doing this? I feel like I’m going nuts. Nuts isn’t the word there is no word to describe it because it doesn’t matter.. all that matters is making it stop. I can’t think of anything else. My head is spinning. I feel dizzy. Why won’t he answer? I’ll call again. I’ll keep calling until he picks up. I’ll drive there. I’ll find out where he is and I will show up. Because this isn’t happening… not to me… not right now. I’m going to lose it. I am losing it. I don’t care. Straight to voicemail. Is this really happening? After all I’ve done? After all we’ve been through? I have to find him. This has to STOP NOW. Whatever it takes.”

If that’s you’re life, welcome to narcissistic abuse. I escaped NA and you can too. I’m here to help you. Let’s rise above it and beat narcissistic abuse together!

Who’s the crazy one?

It happens all the TIME in narcissistic relationships.

Narcissists violate boundaries, you get mad, and they attack you for bringing it to their attention.

It’s CRAZY making and horrible, and you will start to doubt yourself.

Credible people with integrity and healthy inner resources listen, respect and care, and apologise if there is an oversight.

Stop trying to make the narcissist get it – because they won’t.

Here is more about this:


To LET go, heal and return to decency and sanity:


Much Love xo ❤