“Uh hoh. It’s happening again. How could this be happening again? Try to breath. Who cares about breathing? I don’t care about anything but him. Why is he doing this? I feel like I’m going nuts. Nuts isn’t the word there is no word to describe it because it doesn’t matter.. all that matters is making it stop. I can’t think of anything else. My head is spinning. I feel dizzy. Why won’t he answer? I’ll call again. I’ll keep calling until he picks up. I’ll drive there. I’ll find out where he is and I will show up. Because this isn’t happening… not to me… not right now. I’m going to lose it. I am losing it. I don’t care. Straight to voicemail. Is this really happening? After all I’ve done? After all we’ve been through? I have to find him. This has to STOP NOW. Whatever it takes.”
If that’s you’re life, welcome to narcissistic abuse. I escaped NA and you can too. I’m here to help you. Let’s rise above it and beat narcissistic abuse together!
It happens all the TIME in narcissistic relationships.
Narcissists violate boundaries, you get mad, and they attack you for bringing it to their attention.
It’s CRAZY making and horrible, and you will start to doubt yourself.
Credible people with integrity and healthy inner resources listen, respect and care, and apologise if there is an oversight.
Stop trying to make the narcissist get it – because they won’t.
Here is more about this:
To LET go, heal and return to decency and sanity:
Much Love xo ❤
a Post by Melanie Tonia Evans:
Has anyone told you that it’s most likely going to take you many years to recover from an abusive relationship?
Back in 2007 after finally ending the relationship with my narcissistic husband I was very close to giving up.
I was broke, weighed 38 kg and felt totally heartbroken. Devastatingly I was left with the realisation that I had little to no family or friends left, because he had turned them all against me.
But, somewhere deep inside me, I refused to believe that it was impossible to turn my life around.
With mounting debt due to the legal battles he was putting me through, as well as many aspects of my life and my nervous system in tatters, I wasn’t coping. Things were falling apart everywhere I looked.
I knew I had to find a way to soothe my mind that was racing out of control – wondering … how I was going to survive his attacks, who was he with now, why I couldn’t make the relationship work and even doubting myself; thinking … Am I the one causing all the problems?
My minute to minute panic attacks, that made even the simplest daily tasks so difficult, had to stop if I was ever going to start rebuilding my life again.
And … if I was ever going to live a fulfilling life, I had to learn how to restore the faith I once had in myself and human-kind … I just couldn’t see myself going on without being able to love and trust anyone after being deceived so cruelly for so many years.
Determined to find a way to heal, I spent months in deep reflection and research, and I had incredible breakthroughs and began to understand my part that led me into an abusive relationship. I understood that my relationship and co-dependent patterns had unconsciously – without me knowing – set me up as a perfect candidate for a narcissistic abuser.
And I realised that in order for me to make changes in my life (and stop myself from repeating the cycle with another narcissist) I had to stop focusing my attention on trying to change others, and I had to focus 100% on healing myself.
Elated with these discovered I began sharing them with the abuse recovery communities. The response I received shocked me!
I was SLAMMED!
“How dare you say I played any part in it?? Narcissists are evil creatures that made me the way I am!”
Sadly, I realised many members of these abuse forums were stuck in the victim mindset that I was once entrenched in – believing that everything bad that happened to them was only because they were good people hurt by terrible people.
Regardless of what I was being told, I continued to make drastic leaps in my recovery and it was at this point that I realised that something had to be done, because no-one was sharing the discoveries that I had made, and the discoveries didn’t stop … they were still coming in moment after moment.
I now knew that my abuse experience had a purpose because I emerged from almost ending my life to be able to have a positive impact in other people’s lives as well.
Yet, I could have never imagined what was to follow. At first I started seeing clients from home, but was soon inundated 7 days a week with waiting lists up to 3 months. If I was going to have an impact I needed to spread my reach, so I started sharing my discoveries online.
Soon thousands of people came to me looking for help, and that’s when the Thriver Community was born – Since 2009 I’ve been helping men and women from over 80 different countries not only survive, but learn how to thrive in their new abuse free lives.
And I’ve been (humbly) recommended by psychologists, health professionals, domestic violence workers and relationship experts from all over the world.
Please don’t let people tell you there is no hope for you, or that it will take years and years to recover from abuse … because there is a way to recover, and it’s much more simple, direct and effective than you may have ever imagined.
These are the same steps I shared to help thousands of people, (aged 18-80+) overcome abusive relationship with spouses, lovers, family members, co-workers, friends or any abusive individual, and build the life they truly deserve.
One where abuse is NOT their reality any more.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with a narcissist in my life, the point of my blog is to get anyone who is in the situation I once was in OUT. I received this letter a few years back (and MANY others like this) and thought it could be helpful to share it with you. I think a lot of articles offer help but not many can really capture narcissism the way this letter does.
The major reason for this post is for you to read everything here and realize that not one thing, not one line, not one WORD of this has ever nor will EVER be true. I didn’t read it twice, I didn’t even finish reading it to be honest until I decided to post it here today.
You may feel that maybe just maybe one of the many things the Narcissist claims might be true. You have that small part of you that thinks but what if he DOES actually change? What if I’m the one ruining this by ignoring him?
I can assure you one thing – it’s never going to happen. And it’s never going to be your fault. I say that with full confidence after reading tons of letters similar to the one below.
I’d love to get some feedback on anyone who reads this! Comment below with your thoughts!
“I guess this is pretty embarrassing for me huh? Lol Ironically, through much patience on my end, turning my back for 2 years on any sort of new relationship opportunities, I actually am afforded the opportunity, when you DO NOT have a boyfriend and you still won’t unblock or acknowledge me. Lol Gee-wiz! Damn! Love is very strange.
I know you’ve seen this movie before babe, I do. But honestly, I’ve been holding onto the dream you may give me and “us” another or real chance to really flourish over a significant time grace period. I hoped, dreamed, wished you could find it in your heart maybe to give me one chance to prove my worth /allegiance to you. Especially if you became single once again. Allow me to display live and in person, the significant changes/progress I’ve made through grief, spiritually & love for both you and myself. Let’s be very clear, I understand I was not in right place our first time around, in which, I completely let you down. I’ve paid the price dearly babe. Trust me!
Many life changing epiphany’s lessons were learned on my part , when I single handedly drove away the ONLY girl I genuinely loved and cared for and still do, after all this time. I practically forced you to up and jump out my life.
One important lesson I learned, is that, in reality people can or will grieve forever. You just don’t ‘get over’ the loss of a close family member. You learn to live with it, to heal and then rebuild oneself around the loss suffered. You can be whole again but never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. With that said, I understand I never want to go back to that time period, where I wrongly took everything out on you. That is in the past, where I’m keeping it and hoped to move forward with you to grow old together. But you’ve made clear to me for a while now, you have other plans. Your utter silence, one word responses (if at all), blocking protocols, etc. (lol), as each day passes, clearly depicts the same distinct answer you’ve stated for 2 years now. I was hoping you may give it some thought, but obviously your mind is made up and I have to move forward with my life as you have done yours.
“It’s really hard to hold on to the feelings that you have always held. To treat someone as ordinary, when in fact very special… to keep calm, though you’re obviously jealous… to move on your own, with an empty and totally wounded heart… to smile even in deep pain… to let go of the person you dreamt forever with… to accept reality of being just friends… and to give up everything… though inside, you still want to give a try!”
I love you! So much, you have no idea!
Mel quoted me here at the end! This video has so much great information for anyone dealing with narcissists.
Do you ever feel like your relationship is spinning out of control and the only person that sees it is you? Or you feel completely trapped by your significant other but can’t really put your finger on why? You might be dealing with a narcissist. Here are 10 warning signs that you may have slipped into a relationship with one of the most toxic people ever to exist: The Narcissist. (But we were so perfect when we first met!)
1.No matter what the fight is about, it’s always your fault, even when you’re the person angry or mad because THEY did something wrong. (Common excuses include: “I never said that”, “You’re crazy”, “No thats because YOU..”, “That never happened”, etc.)
2. You seem to be the only person that sees the Narcissist for who they really are. Everyone else thinks the world of him/her!
3.When you first met, it was love at first sight. You never thought you would be this lucky, and finally found “THE ONE”!
4.If you ever tried to leave the Narcissist, they come crawling back, claiming they will change and finally do all the things you wanted them to do because they love YOU so much!
5.Almost everything the Narcissist says is contradicted by his/her actions, leaving you confused about what’s happening.
6.You become isolated from your friends, family, colleagues, and community. (No one wants to hear you complain over and over about your relationship.)
8.The anxiety you feel from the Narcissist consumes you and at times he/she becomes your priority no matter what you are doing.
9.When you feel sad you can’t believe how incredibly cold he/she is to you. (Laughs when you cry, disregards that your upset entirely, etc.)
10.The final sign your dating a narcissist is when you lose yourself completely. You don’t know how or why, but the person you used to be just isn’t you anymore. You have become a stranger even to yourself. This is when you know you need to make a change!
If you can related to more than 5 of these warning signs, your dating a narcissist! Ahh! Don’t worry, I have the tools to help you out and you can find them here !